7 Reasons My Dog Is The Grossest Weirdo and 7 Why I Still Love Him

My dog is gross.

  1. He smells his own farts. I'm really lucky with Figaro. His farts are but a tiny whisper of puppy poofs. I never smell them, but he does. That's honestly the only reason I even know he's farted. He'll jump a little as if shocked, stretch his head back towards his tail and take a big whiff.
  2. He molests my (formerly) favorite stuffed animal. When Figaro gets tired, he drags my stuffed dog onto his bed, whips it around a little bit and then sucks on its hip for twenty minutes until he falls asleep.
  3. When I'm having some private bathroom time, he'll push the door open and try to sit on my lap. Any other time, I'm basically begging him to come sit with me.
  4. He'll beg for attention and then run away when you try to pet him. I'm his favorite thing in the world and he still acts like I'm trying to give him the plague when I bend down to pat him.
  5. He'll talk so much shit to the neighborhood dogs from the safety of our balcony, but immediately regrets everything when we run into them on walks. Neighbor: .....Is he a puppy? Me: No. He just doesn't know how to make friends.
  6. He'll do actually anything for a tennis ball. He'll risk it all. And if he drops one off the balcony, he'll cry like a baby has just been thrown overboard until I go down and grab it for him.
  7. He has an underwear and sock fetish! It's an expensive habit. I talked to the vet about it and he said that (warning: super gross reasoning) it was because those are the things that smell intensely like me and it makes him feel comforted. And, the truth is, he only does it when he's anxious or lonely. Now, when I fly with him, I stuff his carrier with dirty gym socks and he sleeps the entire flight.

My dog is the best.

  1. He puts his head right on my heart and stays there when he knows I'm going through something dark.
  2. Every morning starts with twenty minutes of cuddling.
  3. He has the cutest little face I've ever seen. Half of my day is spent just telling him how pretty he is.
  4. At night, he is never more than half asleep. He's taken it on as his job to make sure that nothing happens to me and is always on guard.
  5. He's a good judge of people. Never trust somebody that your dog doesn't like.
  6. If everything goes as planned, I'll still have Figaro in my 40s and that's crazy to think about. If more things go as planned, Figaro will be my kids' childhood dog.
  7. He loves me when I'm happy. He loves me when I'm upset. He loves me when I don't change my clothes all weekend. He loves me when I'm singing to myself. He loves me when I've done something dumb. He loves me when I've done something awesome. He never makes me question how much he loves me and I never doubt how much I love him.

Happy #NationalDogsDay ! Send me a pic of your cute dog and I'll add it to the gallery!