A Relationship Is A Spiritual Journey - Choose Your Guide Carefully

What if we chose a partner because they made our spirit dig deeper? What if we chose a partner because they made our soul expand and brought us further into our own journey? What if allowed ourselves to be drawn towards the light glowing along the path?

What if I allowed my heart to be open and shining? What if I allowed my light to appear in the darkness?

Today, I came across this quote on Just Necole's instagram:

A man chooses a woman as part of a spiritual journey to bump up to a higher level. A great woman is the inspiration. If a man chooses a "lesser" woman for lower chakra reasons, i.e. casual sex for example, he does not want to do the work required to shift his consciousness into being a great man. You can always see the character of a man by the woman he chooses.

Who do you choose? And who chooses you?

As Necole points out, this is just as valid for who a woman chooses as vice versa. She says, "With maturity we begin to seek out people who will help us vibrate at a higher frequency. Who will push us to be better and won't allow us to settle being half the woman (or man) we were destined to be. But without self love present, you are destined to settle, because deep down there is the question of 'am I worthy of having better or the best?'"

I few years ago, I worked with a Yogi to provide numerology readings for a few Accidentally Sexy readers. I was still having trouble processing the brutal heartbreak of my last serious boyfriend and asked that he would look at our two birthdates in hope to give me any closure that my ex wouldn't. He had some really helpful insights, but the most important was one that he had for me independently.

He told me that I was someone who fell in love. As long as I continued to fall, I would never achieve the love that I sought. I had to "crawl up into love." I knew what he meant about falling in love. The love that I found was not an empowering experience. In fact, it was a complete depletion, like the excavating of a mineral bed. Love was either a complete sacrifice of self or an act of self-flagulation. As if I could somehow atone for my self-defined wretchness by loving someone who would see me as a their own personal emotional credit account.

What is it to crawl up into love? When Yogi first gave me this reading, I had a few ideas. Maybe he wouldn't live in his mom's basement? Maybe he'd have money and be established in his career? Maybe he'd be someone with a model face and all the things that look good on paper? And sure, all of those things are great. But as I look again with a few more years of life in my journal, I think that crawling up into love might mean something much greater.

What is the real purpose of a relationship anyhow?  Why do we put ourselves through it all? As someone who has dedicated six years to writing about the subject, relationships are not always a shiny object. Is it just sex? Is it just to find the best looking person in the room wants to mash their downstairs parts together? Although a focus and a fun piece of the puzzle, it's not the code. If it were, the cumulative (probably) years that I've dedicated to kegels, body hair removal, getting my hair right, getting my make up right, getting my body tight and wearing dresses that present my curves like rare treasures would have been the only necessary answer. That would be all there was to it.

Besides wanting to start a traditional family, sex provides no compelling reason to couple up. In fact, it is the biggest reason to keep exploring. I can look good and I can push myself to look better. I can buy all the right clothes and do yoga daily. And so can everyone else. In fact, you don't even have to look that good to be bangable. You can realistically put in a quarter of the effort. Physically, there are a thousand me's and a million in the general range of me. 

Looks are helpful, but they are not what differentiates falling in love and climbing up into it. Quite simply, it's not that special.

Climbing up into love is the search for something deeper and more spiritual. It's a trusted confidant. It's someone who believes in the power of art and music. It's someone with the power, wisdom and support to assist your spirit on it's journey to something bigger than you were before. Someone you can talk to about your goals and the dreams you have when you sleep. It's opening up your heart to someone who opens up their heart to you. And with whom you set out to dig deeper into the meanings of your souls.

This is where I am. This is where I'm coming from. This is what I'm looking for. This is where I am going.

The thing that each of us has that sets us apart is not something that I can write here. It's without words. It is something your heart will feel when it locks with another heart that is open, ready and understands your language.

Who do you choose? And who chooses you?

That'll tell you where you are.